Forget to add the navigation system on your last MINI configuration? Haven’t got the right app installed on your smartphone? Or maybe you think, “There’s no need for satellite navigation when there are stars in the sky.” Not too many people nowadays even know where to look for Polaris — let alone find their way by it.
And what about when even the brightest star can’t be seen? Because with Murphy’s Law ever present, it will surely be raining or snowing, too. And the fuel gauge will be creeping toward red and your phone battery will be down to one bar. Then you can only stand around and curse the fates.
You might be tempted to blame yourself, but why do that when there are much better excuses? Horoscopes! They might not help you find your way out of the woods, but they could help you navigate through other parts of life. And what about your MINI life? Here you’ll find the definitive MINI guide according to the tenets of Western astrology. A playful meditation, of course — but then, who knows? Maybe there is something to it...
Capricorn (22/12 - 20/01)
Capricorns are very focused and work hard at achieving their aims. But they can play hard, as well. Someone like that needs a faithful companion to enjoy life with, just like the MINI One Cabrio.
Aquarius (21/01 - 19/02)
Aquarians love their independence. But despite that they are always there for others and true originals. As unconventional characters, they need an equally charismatic companion. Just like the MINI Cooper SD Coupé.
Pisces (20/02 - 20/03)
Pisceans act on their intuition and almost always strike the right note. However, their sensitivity sometimes causes them to be taken advantage of. Someone with such fine tastes needs a MINI to match. The designer model MINI Cooper S Clubman Hampton.
Aries (21/03 - 20/04)
Those born under the sign of the ram like to stand out from the crowd. They are ambitious and often uncomplicated individuals. They need a reliable and practical sidekick, like the MINI Cooper D.
Taurus (21/04 - 21/05)
Taureans are always good mates. They are often the rock that others lean on. But they are no strangers to fun and frivolity. A rugged and dependable MINI will match their spirit and take them anywhere they want, like the Cooper SD Countryman ALL 4.
Gemini (22/05 - 21/06)
Geminis always have to be on the move. They are constantly looking for new physical and mental challenges, preferably at the same time. That is why a MINI Cooper S Clubman suits them. Lots of doors, plenty of variability and loads of power.
Cancer (22/06 - 22/07)
Those born under the sign of the crab are extremely caring and sensitive, though you might not think it from their hard outer shell. Still, you shouldn’t put their backs against a wall, because they certainly know how to defend themselves, just like the MINI Cooper D Cabrio. Well-protected against adverse weather, but eager to express yourself when the top is down, this is certainly the MINI for a Cancer.
Leo (23/07 - 23/08)
Leos like to show off their physical prowess with plenty of brio and bravado. But they are also generous and like to plan and organize things properly. These are qualities that quickly get them ahead and can also be found in the MINI Coupé John Cooper Works. That’s a car any Leo can drive with pride.
Virgo (24/08 - 23/09)
Virgos are modest and a little shy, but extremely practical and well-organized at the same time, so they make friends easily. Precisely the characteristics they will see reflected in a MINI One D Clubman. Economical and always fit for purpose.
Libra (24/09 - 23/10)
Librans are in search of harmony. They avoid confrontations and seek companionship instead. So four doors are just what’s needed. Like you get with the MINI Cooper S Countryman. So you can always take your friends with you.
Scorpio (24/10 - 22/11)
Scorpios are bundles of energy and extremely passionate. So no surprise that they are popular with the opposite sex. Blessed with such qualities, the MINI Cooper S Roadster is a perfect match and ideal for drawing even more attention.
Sagittarius (23/11 – 21/12)
Sagittarians are eternal optimists. Freedom-lovers and challenge-seekers, they can accomplish any mission. A MINI Cooper D is the perfect companion to take with you to the ends of the Earth.
What our guide has left completely unconsidered is the choice of color, of course. To decide between Chili Red, White Silver metallic or Laser Blue metallic, you’ll need to know your ascendant. That’s the star sign visible on the eastern horizon at the moment of your birth. Only that will point you towards an individual colour match for your own personal MINI.
For more guidance on the right MINI to buy from Chinese astrology, we cracked open lots of fortune cookies but couldn’t come to any sensible conclusion. So if there is anyone who can recommend which MINI someone should buy who was born in the year of the rat, ox, tiger, rabbit, dragon, snake, horse, sheep, monkey, rooster, dog or pig, please let us know at firstname.lastname@example.org. Publication on MINI Space cannot be ruled out.
"Your MINI Guide to the Stars" — Axel Griesinger, MINI Clubs International Office.